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May 11, 2011



Your well-remembered jokes bring to mind sexual punning in the news media, a source of very funny jokery indeed. Somehow sex, its unorthodox variations, or its commonly held myths engender not only massive newspaper coverage but clever wordplay as well.

A prominent example is the storied 1924 Leopold/Loeb murder case wherein Clarence Darrow defended two young wealthy thrill murderers and got them a life sentence instead of the death penalty for killing a fourteen-year-old boy. This was without question an appalling and heinous crime but when Richard Loeb died in prison in 1936 when he was knifed in the shower after purportedly approaching another inmate there, the day's newspaper article in a Chicago paper is said to have begun by reporting that convicted child murderer Richard Loeb "today ended a sentence with a proposition . . . ."

Only a little less funny is the 2011 headline The New York Post came up with when Anthony Weiner was trying to decide whether to resign from Congress or carry on despite his obscenity scandal. The Post's headline was:

Weiner to voters:

And what one wonders is to be made of the following actually published headlines?: "Lewinsky: My life sucks"; "Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says"; "Republicans turned off by size of Obama's package"; "Santorum comes from behind in Alabama three-way."

Some would say this stuff makes light of serious matters or is not fit to print, but news it certainly is to me and funny as well . . . .

NOTE: A kissing cousin of the newspaper headline or lead-in is the quadrennial presidential campaign button and there have been some howlers, including the following sexually punned example. Imagine a round metal button with the face of the 1960 Richard Nixon on it, and the words NO ONE CAN LICK OUR DICK appended thereto. When I googled the exact words I could not find them but I found some similar ones, most referring to Nixon's 1972 reelection campaign. I couldn't find anything for the 1960 election but I know we all guffawed over the words as young teenagers at that time. Was this a real button or had one of us seen or read about a satiric mock-up of it way back then? This all leads me to believe that the button was bogus, a sort of Nixonian urban legend in 1960 that continued to be one when he was president and continues as one now.

Steve in CHGO

I take my hat off to you! I love corny, old jokes. Much to my surprise, there are a few here that I did not recognize. In the variation I heard, the monk on the mountain replies in surprise, "Life isn't like a barrel?"

As soon as each of my 3 children was old enough to understand the concept of humor, I taught them this joke, which we would inflict upon any company. ME: Doctor, my arm hurts when I do THIS. (I raise my right arm to the side until horizontal.) CHILD (laughing so hard they can barely deliver the punch line): Then don't DO that!

PS: I discovered this blague [sic] while looking for something else. It will take me a long time to read it, but I'll love every minute.

PPS to Dmarie: Remember the Comedy Rule of Three. If you remove one of the real operations, your joke will be stronger.


Loved your jokes. Here's one from the 80's. Let's test your knowledge on medical procedures: What do you call it when a person gets their tonsils taken out? Answer: Tonsillectomy What do you call it when a woman has a breast removed? Answer: Mastectomy What do you call it when someone has their appendix removed? Answer: Appendectomy What do you call it when a woman has a sex change operation? Answer: Addadicktome.


I must say Dr., that I am quite surprised by your ability to remember without turning to another source so many jokes and more surprised by the kinds of jokes you've remembered. Some of them are very silly indeed and others are just plain tasteless. A few are worth recalling, but alas, I've forgotten them as soon as I've read them ... my memory is certainly less reliable than yours for jokes anyway. I might need to work on that.

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