My 75th, my diamond jubilee, is coming up in a few days, and it's about time that family and friends gave serious thought to the celebration.
When Queen Elizabeth II had her jubilee just two years ago, there was a specially-commissioned anthem, a service for two thousand folks at St. Paul's, an equestrian extravaganza (550 horses), a flotilla of schooners on the Thames, and something that involved the lighting of 4000 beacons world-wide.
Frankly, a bit much. A little over-the-top, if you know what I mean. Although who can fail to admire the hat.
Last year, I suggested that a good choice for my birthday might be an Irish "starter" castle. The year before that, I hinted at one or two ancient sculptures. But, disappointingly, there were no takers. Birthdays number 73 and 74 were left unacknowledged -- to the shame of my fans.
But here is an opportunity for redemption. Diamonds for the diamond jubilee. I would greatly appreciate a pair -- a singleton is tacky -- of those big hunking earrings that the professional athletes wear. They can be easily purchased, I understand, in the $900,000 to $1.100,000 range, depending on size and color.
My only reluctance is that piercing the ears would violate the integrity of my body. Also, I'm afraid of the pain. So it's either pressure clips or ear-piercing under general anesthesia.
I wouldn't want to drop so precious an ornament and then lose it forever when I vacuum the rug.
Gosh, now I'm worried if I can afford the insurance.