Before Grandma died, she specified cremation and asked that her ashes be divided between the graves of her husband Dan and her daughter Phyllis. Now the time has come to fulfill the first half of the assignment. We'll fly to NYC later this month. We'll make a pilgrimage to the Baron Hirsch cemetery on Staten Island, scatter a portion of the ashes, leave behind a ceremonial stone or two, and think thoughts as positive as the occasion will allow.
However, in the light of the Detroit plane incident, I'm concerned about carrying a box of white powder on board. Am I paranoid? is it completely nuts to imagine that some vigilant but misguided TSA employee will take a gander at the ashes and think "anthrax" or "explosives." Take me into that little room where they peruse your "body cavities." And then on to Gitmo.
Apparently, I'm not the only person with this worry.
"Passengers are allowed to carry a crematory container as part of their carry-on luggage, but the container must pass through the X-ray machine. If the container is made of a material that generates an opaque image and prevents the security screener from clearly being able to see what is inside, then the container cannot be allowed through the security checkpoint." Is our container sufficiently transparent? How would one know?
Instead of carrying the ashes aboard, why don't we just check them through?
"Some airlines do not allow cremated remains as checked baggage so please check with your air carrier before attempting to transport a crematory container in checked baggage." Why would United Airlines care whether I put ashes in my bags? It's obvious -- they lose the luggage and then we sue them for zillions. How about if I promise not to sue?
I'm going to guess that it's not a good idea to sew the "cremains" -- hideous neologism -- into my underwear.
OK, here's the plan. We take a symbolic portion the ashes, secure it in a transparent ziploc baggie, and insert a visible all-caps large-font note: "These are Grandma's ashes. They are not dangerous. Feel free to examine or to sample."
Incidentally, I can offer no confirmation to the rumor that the Department of Transportation plans to ban all underwear. Or that it will insist that underwear be worn on the outside. These are vicious canards.
Travel by train instead?
Posted by: Sarah | January 09, 2010 at 01:31 AM