The foulest, most obscene word in the English language, at least as far as sound is concerned, is, by all odds, "kumquat." It's hard to say whether it's the "kum" or the "quat" that is more reprehensible, but the two together, o my goodness gracious! "Kum" is linked to Fr. "con" and ME (Middle English) "queynte" as well as to the common colloquialism for sexual climax. "Quat" recalls Shakespeare's "quatch buttock" and also "quatch" in its exceedingly vulgar modern urban signification. Readers attentive to language will also hear in "quat" an echo of Robert Browning's famous "twat." (PG-13 rated note: Having encountered in an anonymous 1660 poem the couplet "They talk'd of his having a Cardinall's Hat; /They'd send him as soon an Old Nun's Twat," Browning took "twat" to refer to article of clothing and so composed the following: "Then owls and bats/ Cowls and twats/ Monks and nuns in a cloister's moods/ Adjourn to the oak-stump pantry." It would appear that Browning was insufficiently alert to obscenity.)
"Kumquat" should properly be used in formulations such as "why don't you shove it up your kumquat?" or "eat my kumquat," or "your mother is a kumquat."
If only Kobe Bryant hadn't called the referee a "fucking f-gg-t" but had called him a "fucking kumquat" instead. He would not been fined $100,000 and he would have enjoyed a far more satisfactory vituperative experience.
Incidentally, one of the most popular varieties of kumquat is the "fukushu." Honest.
You nucking fut!
Posted by: LeRoy | April 14, 2011 at 02:26 PM