What are those beads with which half of the players now accesorize? Why, they're magic titanium necklaces. "The necklaces... work by stabilizing the electric flow that nerves use to communicate actions to the body. All of the messages in your body travel through electricity, so if you’re tired or just pitched nine innings, the electricity isn’t flowing as smoothly as it can,” said Joe Furuhata, a Phiten (Phiten is the company that manufactures the beads) spokesman. “Our products smooth out those signals.” Persuasive as all get out, isn't he? Nothing like smooth-flowing electric signals, though whether AC or DC he doesn't specify. Here's some more science from the website: "Titanium Necklace Benefits have been proven to be many. Some of these benefits include alleviation from discomfort in your shoulders and neck, and it helps the whole body to relax as well. Titanium necklaces are known to ease pains and aches of the upper back, and also enhance the circulation of blood from the upper body to the brain and other major organs. Included in the titanium necklace benefits are that they have anti-radiation and anti-fatigue properties." So it's not just electricity: it's also pain relief and improved circulation, plus the beads ward off radiation (a major problem in ballparks nowadays).
Gotta love the use of the passive voice: "Titanium necklace benefits have been proven to be many." Proven by whom? Here I am searching for a citation, an experiment, a demonstration, a study, even a minuscule perfunctory footnote. But there's nothing. Not a whisper of evidence. Nor could there be: what sort of double-blind experiment would it take to prove the efficacy of the beads. I guess I'm a non-believer, once again. So is the chief of sports medicine at NYU, who says, "it's all superstition."
OK, so baseball players are superstitious. No news there. But what are we to think when Ron Washington, the manager of the Texas team, sports a magic necklace? Here he is:
Can you see the beads: trust me, they're not ordinary; they're genuine "titanium-infused plastic."
Does "Wash" think that his beads improve the performance of managers, whose job is of the brain rather than of the body? "Wow, I never would have thought to call for that double steal if I hadn't been wearing my magic beads!"
Altogether, the ubiquitous necklaces lead me into further despair about the quality of American education.
Thanks for this article! I thought the "magical beads" part was funny ha.
Posted by: Titanium Necklace | June 26, 2013 at 07:27 AM