What I Said at Our "Event"

"Thank you all for coming. We appreciate it more than you can possibly imagine. We've needed, and relied on, the support that all of you have given us.

It's no secret that both Lynn and I have gone through some difficult times. It's good to host a cheerful event.    

A number of people have asked us about our use of the word "wed" in the invitation that we sent to you. (We said, you remember, that we were 'wed" on June 30). I don't want to mislead you. We didn't mean to imply that we involved either state or church in our relationship. There didn't seem to be any point for us to get married legally. People marry for the sake of children, but we've decided that we're not going to have children.

Here's the story. Lynn and I wanted to acknowledge in a public way the seriousness and permanence of our friendship -- for our families, and, I think, especially for our grandchildren (there are ten of them). We wanted our families to know that our relationship wasn't like some streetcar or trolley that you hop on and hop off. So we decided to invite our most nuclear family to Lynn's backyard garden for a brief "ceremony" -- just my children and grandchildren, her children and grandchildren, her brother, my brother, the various spouses -- and pledge our love and fidelity. But then one of my daughters-in-law, Connie, said that we couldn't ask people to fly in from all over the USA just for a five minute ceremony. She suggested that we at least exchange rings. It seemed like a good idea. So we walked over to Classic Facets on the Pearl Street Mall and bought two not antique but vintage rings -- because we're vintage people. Handsome rings, as you can see. And then as long as everyone was coming here a day early we decided that we should have dinner the night before. And if you're going to have a dinner you might as well have some music. So gradually the "ceremony" evolved and grew. But more importantly -- and here's the point -- the meaning of the event evolved as well. It became more significant, more profound, more intimate. We never liked the phrase "commitment ceremony" or even the word "commitment" because it sounds as though you are being sent either to jail or to a mental institution, and we didn't have the vocabulary for what we intended to do. But little by little, while we planned the event, and even more so, after we performed the ceremony, we began to feel more and more married -- in all the positive senses of the word. We can now say "wed" and mean it. I haven't yet been able to say "husband" or "wife" but I suspect that one day in the not too distant future those words will manifest themselves. But the point is that in all the ways that matter, we are "wed."

When my Vermont friend Bert, who's just my age, got married 18 years ago, I said to him, Bert, is it real --that you're head over heels in love at age 60? At the time, it seemed so improbable. But now, here I am, just a year and a half short of 80, and setting out on a new life. And 60 seems like dewy youth.  

So let me repeat to you now what I said to Lynn on June 30. "I bring you my children and my grandchildren, my prosthetic tooth, my lens implants, my hearing aids, my non-standard but warm heart, and I take you and your children and grandchildren and your titanium hip and arthritic finger and I say, "let us make a life of it."

And let me just add that between us we have been married for 100 years (an average of 50 apiece). So we ought to know what we're doing.

And what we're going to do is to ride this old trolley right to the end of the line."

Comments

[SD]

A trolley ride for the books -- congrats to you both!

[Darrell Fancourt]

Mazel tov!

[David Schacker]

Well said -- and congratulations!